Are You Tactful?

Are You Tactful?

Sometimes you have to tell someone something they don’t want to hear. But it is your role to let them know. Maybe a client wants to run an activation program or acquire assets that just won’t work for them. Perhaps it is a staff member who reports to you or a peer you work with who needs new direction. Or it might be in your role as a parent, spouse, or friend. We all come across those situations. So how do we manage them and why is it so necessary to have those conversations?

I have been on both sides of such conversations. Some deliveries had no tact. The message was delivered, but I fought it. I eventually learned they were correct and admitted it to myself (and to them). It was like eating humble pie, but to this day, I believe that, if they had more tact in their delivery, I might have “bought in” sooner.

I once had a boss, Don Armstrong (we called him Army). When my peer and I did things at the last minute (like weekly reports on Monday morning at 7:30 a.m. for 8 a.m. delivery), he taught us (well, at least me) how it was way more beneficial to do the report on Friday afternoon at work from 3:00 to 4:00 p.m. and then have the weekend “worry free/stress free,” not fretting about getting the report done for Monday at 8:00 a.m. “It is done and out of the way,” he would say. “Pain before pleasure.” It was a lesson about getting done the things you don’t like doing so they are out of the way and you can enjoy doing the things you like.

Army never told us we had to do our reports on Friday afternoon. He made suggestions and supported them with examples. He even bought us the book The Road Less Travelled . To this day, I do my best to do the things that are necessary, then enjoy my time afterward. I work with my 11-year-old daughter on this as well. I try to be as tactful as Army was by setting the example, providing options, and making suggestions, but never (well hardly ever) pushing or forcing her to do something.

We need to know (and research has shown) that the example we set is what others follow. If we are overbearing and have no tact with our peers, staff, or children, they will tend to become just like us. We often talk about the boss who had no tact, or an overbearing parent and how “I will never be like that” and then we become them! We need to break the cycle, and provide direction and support in a tactful way. Sometimes the message is not easy to deliver, but you can find a way to be tactful.

I truly like the quote by Winston Churchill about tact “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to Hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip!” Think about that the next time you need to let a staff person go, say no to a contract renewal, or let your kids know they can’t go to that concert or event.

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