There are true relationships and artificial relationships. Through my work at the Partnership Group – Sponsorship Specialists® and in my personal life, I see both daily. An artificial relationship is one where somebody reaches out to you to connect (be it in person or through email or social media) with a specific goal that will benefit them. Perhaps they want to sell me a product, or access someone I know, or help them get a job. These are people who want something, but are really not interested in me, just my “assets.”

On the other hand, a true relationship is one that is nurtured, built, and developed. It is there for mutual benefit. You learn from each other, support each other, provide advice and insight to each other, and eventually do business together. It is a nurtured relationship that is not fostered by a single “I accept” click or first coffee.

My goal on social media when I invite people to join me on LinkedIn is looking at what I can provide them (my network of over 5,000 people, or my knowledge or advice) and what I can gain in return. It is not in essence a true relationship, but rather the starting point for one. Over the years, I have been a mentor with AFP, Trinity College School, and Haskayne School of Business at the University of Calgary, as well as a non-structured/non-program affiliated mentor to several people over the years. I am presently a mentor in the amazing SMCC mentorship program.  In all of these instances, I provided my experience, guidance, and direction, but in turn, I have learned from each of the mentees. Some life-lasting relationships are born from these.

Recently, I attended my 35th high school reunion. WOW! That makes me old-many reading this are not even 35 themselves. I went to Trinity College School in Port Hope, Ontario as a boarder for six years. You build bonds and relationships with people, especially when you not only go to school with them each day, but also live under the same roof, share meals daily, play sports together, and so on. We had about 25 of the 60-person graduating class back for this reunion-my first! Of that, I had probably not seen 20 of them in 35 years. But those relationships have lasted. The foundations were strong. It took no more than a handshake to feel 100% comfortable with all of them. We chatted about the “good old days,” about our lives over the past 35 years, and our trials and tribulations. It was an amazing experience. It was amazing because we had a relationship. Without that relationship, the weekend would have been long and boring. It was not.

What made me think about this was a coffee I had with a gentleman recently. I don’t think he understands relationships.  He is looking for work. He had a great job in our industry, but was released during a corporate shuffle. In the two years previous, I had reached out twice to this person (whom I thought I might be able to help one day and believed he could probably assist me someday) to offer him an opportunity to build a relationship. Both were opportunities for him and I to get to know each other better. In each case they offered him and his organization benefit from me and the Partnership Group – Sponsorship Specialists®. No strings attached. He declined both opportunities.

Then out of the blue, I got a LinkedIn email from him asking if I had time for a coffee. I quickly found out why as his LinkedIn profile clearly showed he was no longer with the firm thorough which I had known him. He was unemployed. I asked him to follow up in an email which he did. In it, he clearly noted he was looking for work and someone had suggested that he reach out to me “as I was connected.” So, obviously he did!

Yes, I met with him. During our conversation, I was able to recommend two people whom I believed might have openings just recently and his profile would match those roles. I named the CEOs of both organizations for him to connect with, and suggested he send an introduction request to them through me or an email to me to forward to them, as they both knew me well and I could probably get him a coffee with them. He had not heard of either person or their organization. I had to spell the names for him. I then waited to see if I could help him.

A few days later, he emailed me to say thanks for the meeting and “how nice it was to meet me.” This was terrific. At least he knew to do that. Then he noted that he had reached out to both the people I had suggested. I thought to myself, “Man your ego must be huge. I offered you help to connect with these people and still you refused to accept my assistance other than on your own terms.”  I have no idea if he referenced me or not in his introduction to these two folks. It will be interesting if he did reference me and they call or email me to ask about him before they meet with him-if they plan to at all. Or perhaps he doesn’t need my help and can get the meeting on his own. That is cool and more power to him. But in my books, that is not the best way to build a relationship. I am pretty sure I won’t be breaking bread with him in 35 years as I did with my school mates.

Build relationships and be successful. Don’t burn bridges.

These are just one person’s thoughts. Yours are welcomed as well. Please add your thoughts or comments below. Thank you for reading and your feedback.

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