Welcome to 2025! Wow—a quarter of the way into this century. Now I feel really old! To start with, I am from the last century!
It is always important to start the New Year off on the right foot. And to get that right start, you need to understand the landscape—the rules or laws of the land. To get you headed out right, here are the laws of reality.
Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Someone always answers.
Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will!
Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Law of the Theatre and Hockey Rink
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet, and leave early before the performance or game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never once move, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end. Aisle people are also very surly folk.
Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will itch and you’ll have to pee.
Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product you really like, they will stop making it or the store will stop selling it!
Doctor’s Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.
Now you are ready for 2025!
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