Have you ever watched the sitcom The Big Bang Theory? If you have, then you know the character of Sheldon. We all laugh and think “no one is that heartless” … but the character was developed based on research. (And isn’t that ironic.) And if you have no idea what show I am talking about, not a big deal… this TMC will still enlighten you!
Humans can analyze or empathize, but they can’t do both at the same time research has shown us. As a result, people like Sheldon in real life, highly analytical people, are typically lousy listeners. Well lousy listeners from our perspective.
As humans we cannot listen to understand the feelings involved and make judgments about what is being said at the same time. The smartest people in life unfortunately fall into this category more than us “average” folks. Smart, well-educated and mentally thorough people are highly analytical. They use logic and questioning in almost every conversation. But that can be a problem. They are inquisitive to ascertain data to determine a logical outcome. They analyze what is being said and quickly break it down into bite-sized pieces of reasoning from their perspective. By instantly examining where they agree and disagree with the perspectives and opinions offered, they can respond with their own views on what matters. They cut right to the core issues and know exactly how to counter them with their own view. This is what makes them so smart to begin with.
The precision with which they listen, however, actually prevents them from understanding the feelings, identities, and emotions involved. They can’t empathize with, or listen to, the human dimensions of what is going on because their focus is elsewhere. With an attention solely on what is being said, they skip over the sentiments imbued in every word and sentence. While accurately processing the arguments, they miss the trees for the forest.
I often tell our clients in our training programs and coaching deliveries that they need to “learn to listen to learn…. Not to listen to respond”. What “Sheldon” and those highly educated and analytical thinkers do is listen to respond. The Sheldon’s of the world have trained themselves to understand the issues and arguments while ignoring the feelings and opinions which underlie them. In our business, with sponsorship being an art and a science, we cannot be this way.
Our success is built on developing and nurturing a relationship of trust. Such trust requires a deeper, more active listening than most highly intelligent leaders realize. In fact, by focusing exclusively on analysis, they often miss the essential ingredients necessary to understand the root of a problem.
The most successful leaders and sponsorship professionals listen deeply to others without forming an opinion or thinking about their own counterarguments. Listening for analysis and empathy are very different ways to understand people and problems. We need to listen to learn not to listen to respond. And we cannot do both at the same time… look at Sheldon!
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