Just over a year ago, my wife, daughter, and I celebrated my sister Brenda’s 60th birthday. She was here in Nanaimo to visit us. Covid regulations had just relaxed a little in BC and restaurants were allowing dine-in services. We went out for a great Greek birthday dinner. It was a ton of fun. I have pictures of that night, the hike the four of us took the next day, and the panoramic view we had during an exquisite luncheon experience at the top of the Malahat the day after. Those memories are fresh in my mind. They are great memories, and I will cherish them forever.
As many of you who are reading this TMC know, Brenda passed away just 13 weeks ago yesterday. Last June, she had a clean bill of health from her battle with breast cancer. But in March this year, the fight ended and she was taken from us. So, all I have now are memories that I will cherish and hold close to my heart. I will replay that birthday weekend along with many other days and experiences I shared with her over the past six decades. I will miss her, but I will remember her every day. I learned so much from her, both before and after her passing. The accolades that were shared, the stories via phone calls or Zoom, and emails were emotional. But all brought me new learning and cherished memories. This week, I thought I would share three key things I learned from Brenda. All apply to the mission of this blog/ post/newsletter, as well as the sector within which we work and life in general.
- Her clients, associates, and those who fuelled her business were more than peers, associates, and clients. They were friends. Late in 2018, when she reached out to her clients and told them she would likely not be available for work at all during 2019 due to her health, the reaction was not “Who will service us?” but “How can we help?” As she sat in the hospital in February this year unsure of what lay ahead, she reached out to every client and told them she was shutting down her business effective immediately. No one worried about who would help them going forward. No one asked for referrals. Everyone said the same thing—“What can we do to help?” These people were her friends. They were more than clients, associates, or peers. It was the true deep relationships that mattered.
- She cared for others. Whether it was the person on the street down on their luck, a client’s staff member, the grocery clerk, or a powerful politician, she treated them with love, respect, and care. When I received emails about her passing, many people referenced how she had helped them. Whether it was with a job search, running for office, finding a place to stay, or financial support through tough times, everyone mentioned how she was always so caring and placed others first.
- She had a trademark. Almost everyone I spoke with or received correspondence from talked about “the Brenda hug.” It was her way of greeting and saying goodbye—of saying “I am so sorry” or “Hey, congratulations!” One person noted, “You could see the Brenda hug coming your way from across the room.” People will remember her for many things, but almost everyone will remember her for her hugs.
Brenda is now gone from me and all of us physically, but her spirit will live on. I will try to take what I learned from Brenda about caring, love, respecting others, and moving beyond high level transactional relationships to continuing to create deep caring friendships that matter with my clients, peers, and acquaintances.
Each day, I will celebrate all the moments I spent with Brenda over 60 years.
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Thanks for sharing this is beautiful. Sending you my sincere condolences.
Mari,
Thanks so much. Brent
Thanks so much for sharing how she touched your life and how you hold her memory with you everyday!
Thanks Cindy… she was an amazing person.
Such a beautifully composed article about your sister and the benefits of building and maintaining honest relationships – both personal and in business.
Annette,
Thank you so very much for the kid words and feedback. Much appreciated.
Beautiful story – thank you for sharing!
Lucia,
Thanks so much for the thoughts
Sometimes we think that our “heroes” or “inspirations” need to come from celebrity status like Oprah or Obama but really, its often times those around us who make the biggest impact. Thank you for sharing such a great personal story that we can all take a page from.
Jennifer… as always you are bang on! Thanks for the kid words, the insight and thoughts. They are so appreciated. Stay well and look forward to catching up soon.
Oh Brent, sending you and your family everything you need to work your way through this very sad moment. Brenda was absolutely amazing on so many levels. For someone who was what could be known as petite, she was an absolute gigantic powerhouse! I met Brenda at BSAM almost 3 decades ago and was always impressed by her vivacity, intellect, ability to know where to pivot from a government relations lens, and her unbelievable generosity of heart. One image that will forever be forged in my brain is how she dived for the ball on the basketball court at BSAM with no thought to future pain. Sending you my thoughts, prayers, and sympathy. In friendship, Val
Val,
What great memories. I was lookign at the “class picture” from that BSAM as I went through her key possessions… it was proudly displayed in her office 3 decades later. She was a giant. Thanks for the note and the great stories. Stay safe and healthy.
Hi Brent. So sorry for your loss.
Thanks Dave!
Brent,
I was unaware of Brenda’s battle. She was remarkable. We bounced in and out of each other’s professional life for a couple of decades and the enthusiasm and effervescence always lifted my spirits. Thanks for this post – you’ve continued that brightness and also celebrated her innate communication soul.
Best,
Roger,
Thank you so much for the note and the very kind words. Effervescence is a perfect word to describe Brenda… thanks for that! Stay well and healthy and thnaks again for the note and thoughts.
Lovely thoughts and memories you share, Brent. I am sure she appreciates you just as much. Thanks for sharing the lessons you learned. Sending you positive vibes!
Kevin,
Thanks for the note and the kind words. I look forward to catching up for coffee on a patio when I am back in TO!
Hey Brent,
I hope you are doing well. I did not know your sister however I can appreciate her awesomeness through your words. My condolences to you and your family.
Tim, this is so appreciated. Thanks so much for the thoughts and kind words. Brent