The laws of nature as identified by geniuses such as Newton and Galileo really don’t stand up to the test of time. Here are some of the true laws of nature.
- Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
- Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
- Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
- Supermarket Law – As soon as you get in the shortest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
- Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you left will always move faster than the one you are in now.
- Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.
- Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
- Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last.They leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and leave early before the end of the performance or game. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end. Aisle people also are very surly folk.
- Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on the floor are directly related to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
- Doctors’ Law- If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there, you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.
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