Neither I, nor any of my business acquaintances are heart surgeons. The sense of urgency required when responding to issues is not life-threatening as it would be for a heart surgeon. We are in the sponsorship marketing industry. Yet at times, I think some of the people I work with believe they are as important as a heart surgeon. Perhaps it is about me. Perhaps I am just so boring that they can’t keep their thumbs off their Blackberrys, iPhones, or Andriods when they are with me in a meeting, or at coffee or lunch.
Call me old-fashioned if you wish, but in my world you are supposed to pay attention to the people you are meeting with. There is nothing that drives me to the brink faster than people who keep pulling out their mobile devices and typing on their keyboards as we sit at lunch or in a meeting. I see it not only at business meetings, but also in personal settings. My nieces and nephews used to have their devices out when they joined us for Sunday dinner. So, I set new rules. No devices at the table or prior. Check them at the door, or don’t bother to come. My feeling is, if you are at my house, it is to be face-to-face social time. If you prefer to be sociable with your FaceBook contacts instead, then have a virtual dinner with them. It’s funny, but those nieces and nephews spend less time at dinner at our house these days. I wonder why.
If you are in a business meeting, lunch, or even dinner at my house and you are expecting an important call, I understand. Leave your device on and inform me in advance. Sure, there are times when you want to look up information such as a name, phone number, or information on the internet while sitting in a meeting. Great! Pull out the device and look up the information as mutually agreed. It is the complete and utter disregard, and lack of respect by so many today for the people they are spending time with that irks me. And I would like to note that, contrary to popular belief, it is not just my nieces’ and nephews’ generation that is doing this. It is people my age (young) as well as older people, many of whom are in prominent positions. I once sat in a meeting with six people, one of whom was the president of a major organization. I watched him. He typed into his Blackberry throughout the meeting. Each time he was asked a question, he replied, “Oh sorry, what was that again?” Soon we just ignored him.
I urge all of you who “must” be connected 100% of the time with your FaceBook friends, associates on LinkedIn, avatars, and offices to step back and concentrate on the business at hand. I know your thousands of followers on Twitter anticipate your every tweet and re-tweet, but perhaps they can wait for the 60-90 minutes you are spending with me or someone else. I don’t care if it is a meeting with a client, a boss, a direct report, or your spouse, a friend, or a child. For 24 hours, just try to pay attention to the people with whom you are face-to-face. See if you can refrain from tweeting, typing, connecting, linking, or replying while you are face-to-face with others. I assure you no one will die, no one will jump ahead of you on the corporate ladder, and no one will be disappointed. In fact, you may impress those you are with. They may think you actually want to be with them.
Go ahead—give it a try.
These are just one person’s thoughts. Yours are welcomed as well. Please add your thoughts or comments below. Thank you for reading and your feedback.
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Right on Brent! If you are a professional communicator, and communication is a give and take between two people, how can you be communicating meaningfully with the person you are with if you are not listening to them and responding appropriately? Devices are supposed to enhance our communications, not rule our lives. Thanks for saying out loud what so many people are thinking.
Thanks Elyse. You are so correct. They are there to enhance not rule our lives.
I loved your post! I totally agree. We share family birthdays a restaurants or at home with my side of the family and my nieces and nephews have been told the same thing. Funny thing is, they still come and even when we are just getting together, they talk to us instead of using those devices all the time. Hurray for you Brent!
Diana,
Thanks, your nieces and nephews are better trained than mine! Mine are coming along though. Soon they will return I am sure (when they get hungry enough) and they know the rules!
Good words Brent and great thoughts and advice. I can’t stand it when in a meeting and the other person is constantly checking their device. So rude…
Jill,
Thanks, obviously this topic has stuck a chord and all seem to agree. Brent
Brent,
Great rant! A friend is the #4 person at a multi billion dollar corporation and, during meetings consisting of only 6 – 8 people (the CEO among them) she’ll text me w/ idle questions! Another couple comes over to watch the NFL playoffs, one texting the entire time; the other watching YouTube clips! My wife sternly admonished both and red faced, they pocketed their toys; At a black tie gala the fellow next to me not only wasn’t wearing a tuxedo BUT, throughout the entire evening his head was down scrolling through his Bberry! On my way out I gave him my bow tie and cumber bum remarking “here’s a start to that tux you’re buying for the next one.” Others complain about how tired their kids are because they get phone calls at 3am! WHAT? 3am I ask? Whose in charge here? Confiscate the toys at 9pm and “reissue” them at 7am as they head out the door … if even then! The “rents” look at me like I have 3 heads. Though I’ve never sued anyone I’ve made a personal vow to take ownership of whoever hits me in a vehicle while texting.
No, I’m with you … manners are at an all time low. If your nieces/nephews are passing on dinner, so be it … they or their parents are being short sighted on this one.
Great column; pet peeve; it’s on my fridge!
Peter, thanks for your thoughts. You always have great responses to the Tuesday Morning Commentary. Thanks for providing your feedback. It is great.
AMEN!
Well said Angela>
Brent:
I couldn’t agree more. I once, in New York City, at a very crowded jazz club, listening to a very in-demand performer, sat in > semi-darkness at a small round table for max four people. My partner and I were at the back of this peanut-sized table, furthest from the stage, and another couple were on the front side of the table, all of us turned facing the stage. So their backs were to us. We were there during the set for over an hour. During the entire set (for which theyhad paid a cover charge of $30 each), they consumed about four Martinis each at $10+ each, and each spent virtually the full performance texting on their BlackBerrys. They never said a word to each other in all that time, totally ignored each other and the jazz performance, and I swear looked up at the stage for no more than 25% of the time …
I see it in restaurants all of the time now. It is regularly done to me by good friends and folk whom otherwise have my great respect. It is now so extensive ‹ especially among the Gen-Xs and Ys ‹ that I think it is too late.
It is now all but embedded in our culture. Remember when it was considered gross ill manners to wear a hat at the table? To complain about that these days would be to label yourself a doddering, silly old crank.
Yours in frustration and amazement,
Jim
I really appreciate you reading and the feedback. What a great story about the jazz performance. I hope you are not right about being “too late”!
I have said this many times as well, and make a point of letting my phone buzz in my pocket. Sometimes I get people asking, “aren’t you going to answer that?” I just say, “it can wait until I am done with you guys.”
As a single guy I have thought of this from a dating perspective many a time. If I go on a date and set my phone to silent and am paying attention to my date the whole time then that should stand out to her! It is quite counter-cultural and hopefully leads to a second date! 🙂
Jadon,
Great analogy! I am sure you will get the second date with her. We need to let people know they are important when we are with them by the way we act.
Hi, Brent.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! My sentiments exactly!
Paul,
Thank YOU! I have had more replies through the blog and directly emailed to me about this commentary than any other commentary in the last two and a half years. And all like yours… 100% agreement. Now we just have to get the others to stop doing it!
Good article – I completely agree. It happens too often now in business and personal settings. I had a girls weekend recently and at one point noticed they were all on a device so I gave them heck and we carried on having a great time…face to face!
Thanks Erin. Great job. Sometimes I think we forget how to communicate face to face… or at lease my nieces and nephews are unsure.
Sorry about the late commenting….but I totally agree.
I used to work for a retail company where HQ representatives would have these official tours of the store floor. This was their opportunity to speak to their sales associates/ managers and receive feedback from their customers’ experiences with our products. Too often as the tour wound its way through the store the representatives were often reviewing their Blackberries etc. almost to distraction that there was never time for quality input from either associates/ managers or even their customers…their business was always more important on the handheld and not what was at hand! Often it made the associates/ managers feel that HQ was not listening (as how could they be). Once they left the store, the store’s associates felt their issues and concerns were so under-valued. It affected the overall store morale often detrimentally.
Since that experience I have always tried to eliminate mine and others handhelds in either business or personal situations where a focus needs to be on what is being said person to person.
Great article Brent…and thank you for reminding us all how important modern day manners need to be reinforced and respected.
Andrea,
What a great example! Thanks for sharing that. So much for face to face interaction! But it seems in this world too many people think that mobile device to mobile device is more important than the face to face you presently are engaged in. I love your comment “their business was always more important on the handheld and not what was at hand”. Brent